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Green Hell
This year’s winner of the annual Tyranny of Tradition Wookies vs. Vampires writing contest is long time Tyramaniac John Nelson. He will be awarded 50,000 cases of turtle wax and a 3 night stay on the...
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Why The Girls Are Right About #Metalgate
(Guest columnist and noted political philosopher John Winthrop gives his thoughts on the latest #Metalgate controversy) Women! They are everywhere nowadays! There are lady lawyers, lady doctors and,...
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Morbid Angel To Reissue Limited Edition Copies of “Altars of Madness” Covered...
Doesn’t This Thing Look Like It Is From An Episode of Scooby-Doo? What do Thomas Jefferson, William Blake and Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer have in common? If you guessed that Morbid Angel is reissuing a...
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Metal Scientists Successfully Create Rainbow in Dark
On the fifth anniversary of singer Ronnie James Dio’s passing, metalhead scientists at MIT have announced they have successfully created a rainbow in the dark. “What was once just a cryptic metaphor...
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Islamic Terrorist Group Sodom Banned From Traveling To U.S. For Maryland...
The New Axis of Evil? The State Department has refused to officially comment on a recent report that Islamofascist group Sodom was not issued visas in order to perform at this weekend’s Maryland...
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To Compete With Google’s “Unsend”, Apple Unveils Innovative ”Unlisten”
While many may have been taken aback by the recent news that Apple’s new streaming service “Apple Music” will not be paying its artists during its three-month pilot period, and shocked by the...
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SPECIAL REPORT: Are Aliens Abducting Heavy Metal Fans?
Three more public officials today denounced a new sub-genre of heavy metal growing in popularity amid recent widespread media attention. Known by fans as aliencore, the newest addition to the already...
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Trump Defends Action Bronson; Rips Ghostface Killah
Presidential candidate Donald Trump might be a stranger to rap music, but he is no stranger to controversy. That’s why few were surprised that Trump has gotten himself involved in the heated feud...
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Bowie Knife To Be Renamed Bowie Knife In Honor of Dead Musician
Fans of art-rocker David Bowie rejoiced as the Daughters of the Republic of Texas announced that the famed Bowie knife would be renamed the Bowie knife in honor of the recently departed British...
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Putin to Obama – ‘Swedish Metal Is Superior’
Russian President Vladimir Putin responded to Barack Obama’s public comments about Finnish Metal bands last Friday, calling the outgoing President “a wimp” and “a poser”. “Please don’t misunderstand...
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